One Truth, Countless Lies
by Tetra26
Summary: The Black Organization has been destroyed, but any data that may lead to a cure, as well as Haibara Ai, have perished. With this setback, Kudo Shinichi plans to make a move that could be more painful to Mouri Ran than telling the truth.
1. Prologue

**One Truth, Countless Lies**

**by Tetra26**

Story Summary: The BO has been destroyed, but any data that might lead to a cure, as well as Haibara Ai, have perished as well. With this setback, Kudo Shinichi plans to make a move that could be more painful to Ran than telling her the truth.

* * *

Everything is over.

The last showdown between Evil and Good, Villainy and Justice, Black and White.

Even though things are over, there are still fragments of shattered lives to pick up and put back together. Some of those lives, like Haibara Ai, will forever be missing. Others, like Kudo Shinichi, will forever be fragmented. But those responsible for this destruction, and countless other atrocities, will never be able to give a repeat performance. They have been taken down, for good.

Yet, it wasn't supposed to go like this. It was suppose to result in a way different than this. The Black Organization was supposed to be captured and the drug APTX-4869, or at least the data on it, was supposed to be recovered. Then, Haibara Ai and Doctor Agasa were supposed to work on it, together. The Black Organization wasn't supposed to destroy the drugs, wasn't supposed to destroy the data, and wasn't supposed to destroy Haibara. But they did, and Kudo Shinichi is back to square one – and still in a body 10 years his junior.

He has felt both victorious and defeated since the last showdown. Victorious in the sense that there is no longer a Black Organization that he has to protect his loved ones from, yet defeated since he is still stuck in the body of a 7 year old with no immediate leads on returning to himself. And, there's still Ran.

Ran... the girl he loves. The girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The one he still hasn't been completely, or even remotely, truthful to.

He hasn't even spoken to her as "Shinichi" since 3 weeks before his last stand against the Black Organization. He can't bring himself to – it hurts him too much. He sees her everyday, worrying about him, pondering out loud what he's doing, and sighing often. He doesn't have to ask what's wrong anymore, he knows. He also knows that now that there may not be a chance that he'll return to his body, he's going to have to say something to her. He can't keep up the facade anymore, nor can he keep telling her that he's off on some "big case".

Most importantly though, he can't continue to lead her on.

Now that he knows that he may never change, he can't bring himself to continue to keep the girl he loves on a string. He also can't expect her to wait until he grows up all over again – if he tells her the truth about who he is, she just may do so. It isn't fair to her. None of this has been fair to her, not this lying, not this sneaking around and pretending to be a child, none of it.

He has to make a move, be it the right one or a wrong one. He has to say something, be it the entire truth or another lie. He has to have a plan.

* * *

Well, that's the Prologue... I already have all of Chapter 1, most of Chapter 2, and half of Chapter 3 written. I'm a bit rusty, I haven't written fanfic in over a year and I've NEVER written one for a manga/anime series (I've also never posted any of my fics here, I may do so). Also, I know this prologue is short, but don't worry – most chapters will be longer. As for the so-called "last stand" against the BO, I'll leave that to your imagination as to how it went down as opposed to writing it (though, I may toss in details in later chapters). Just assume from the little I wrote that: 1) There is no more BO. 2) Haibara Ai is dead. 3) Kudo Shinichi is still in the body of a 7-year old. This story is essentially a "What if Kudo Shinichi doesn't turn back?" story. As for pairings, there aren't any planned as of this point. I'd also sincerely appreciate any constructive criticism anyone can offer, thanks. I hate how this is spaced though.

Next Chapter:

Hattori Heiji attempts to reason with his friend Kudo Shinichi, and tells him that his plan could come back to haunt him...


	2. Plan and Plea

**One Truth, Countless Lies**

**by Tetra26**

Chapter 1: Plan and Plea

* * *

"Kudo, that has to be the dumbest idea I've ever heard you come up with," stated Hattori Heiji, who had a scandalized look on his face. "Seriously... that's just completely idiotic."

Shinichi rolled his eyes. "I take it you can come up with something better? Really, what else can I do in this situation that is better than my plan?"

"How about you tell her the truth? Anything would be better than what you're planning!" Heiji shook his head, as if doing so would magically make Shinichi's crazy idea disappear from his mind. "After all that has happened, she deserves the truth, not another set of lies and especially not the madness you've come up with!"

"And just how do you suppose that the truth is better in this situation?" Shinichi asked in a frustrated tone. "I've thought it over and over, and this is the conclusion that I come up with every time: that Ran will be hurt more by the truth than what I'm going to do. I can't tell her the truth! You know how she is – she would be angry, but she would wait for however long it takes for my body to catch up with my mind. I can't allow that..."

"Yet you can allow yourself to do this? As if it's any better? Don't you realize that she is going to hurt either way, and that by doing what you're planning, it's going to hurt worse?" Heiji interrupted. He was getting a headache just thinking about Shinichi's plan.

"Yes, it will hurt her either way. However, by doing it this way, in time she will heal and she will move on to someone who's able to be there for her in ways that I can no longer be. She deserves happiness, and I just can't give that to her. If I tell her the truth, she would hold on to me as long as she could, and hold on to hope that I would change back – and that's after she kicks my ass for lying to her!"

"But this... this is just so wrong," Heiji weakly replied. "I mean, how are you going to go about it? Have you even thought beyond your basic idea? It isn't as simple as you put it... one wrong move and it could all fall apart. And, if she finds out that it's a farce, she'd never forgive you."

"I know, but I'd rather risk her hating me and not forgiving me if she finds out than to tell her this truth and have her put her entire life on hold for me," Shinichi said. "I know Ran, I know how she works, I know what she'd do. I want her happy, and even if it means she'll have to have a time of sorrow before that happiness, I'd rather it be that way than any of the other alternatives."

"Wow... it's mighty conceited of you to assume that she really would put her entire life on hold for you," Heiji said. He didn't say it to be mean; he only said it because he thought Shinichi's idea was too excessive for something he saw as being easily solved by simply telling the truth.

Shinichi was momentarily startled by the truth that resonated within Heiji's remark, but recovered quickly. "Idiot... I know Ran better than anybody! I wouldn't even consider such a plan if I didn't honestly think that she'd react that way."

"Couldn't you just call her and break up with her somehow?" Heiji asked.

"How am I supposed to break up with someone I'm not really with?" Shinichi replied. "Even if I did so, Ran would still be hurting – and by doing it that way she would possibly feel as if she did something wrong or that something was wrong with her when it's not."

"I don't know if I can assist you... I really don't want any parts of it, and I would have rather you not even told me of it. I don't know if I can help you do something like this, I'd feel so guilty every time I saw her afterwards. And with her being good friends with Kazuha, I'd probably see her often."

"Please, Hattori... I know it's not a very nice thing to do, but it's the only thing I can come up with. I love her so much, and I'm going to hurt her either way. This is the only way that she can truly be free, even if it means that I won't be a part of her life at all," Shinichi said in a defeated voice.

Heiji looked at his friend. He had never seen him look so devastated, so frustrated, so damned resigned. Though he really didn't want any part of this plot, he knew that there was no stopping Shinichi once he'd made up his mind to do something. And, Heiji also knew that he'd end up helping Shinichi with this plan. Yet, he desperately tried one last time to convince his friend not to go along with the stupid plan.

"Kudo, I know that you mean well – and I know you want the best for Ran, but think about yourself as well. What are you going to do if you follow this plan? Will you continue living around her as Edogawa Conan? That's going to destroy you inside! And what happens as you grow older and you look more and more like your old self? What then? Please, Kudo, find another way!" Heiji pleaded, in vain.

"I've plotted out most of the little details already, Hattori. As far as I'm concerned, this is the only way," Shinichi stated in a voice that implied finality.

Heiji sighed. He locked eyes with his friend.

"Okay, Kudo. If that's what you want to do. Give me details as to what I need to do to help you fake your own death."

* * *

That's one heck of an ender, eh?! This was a chapter devoted entirely to dialogue, in future chapters there will be more description and action, but I felt that this conversation and the dismissal of ways that Shinichi could do other things as opposed to faking his own death would shed light on how he could make such a stupid decision. Yes, even Kudo Shinichi can make stupid decisions. At least, in my story he can. Yay humanization!

Next Chapter: It is the day that Ran is to be informed of Shinichi's "untimely demise". Will he back out due to his last minute doubts? Or will he stick to his plan?


	3. Last Doubts

**One Truth, Countless Lies**

Chapter 2: Last Doubts – After the BO has been destroyed, Kudo Shinichi is still in his "Conan body". Not seeing a way to turn to normal, he has decided to fake his own death... Everything has been set into motion.

Author: Tetra 26

Rating: from Teen to PG-13

Pairings: As of now, none. 

* * *

After weeks of planning and going over the details with Heiji, Dr. Agasa and his parents, the plan had been argued against, revamped, scrapped, re-revamped and finalized. It was finally the day that news of his "death" was supposed to reach Ran.

On the outside, Kudo Shinichi appeared as Edogawa Conan, an innocent (and highly astute) little kid with no worries in the world. However, on the inside, he was filled with turmoil. On one hand, he didn't want to be there when Ran received the phone call -- but on the other, he wanted to be there for her because he knew she would be in pain.

He looked over to her. Mouri Ran was lounging on the opposite couch, gazing out of the window, lost in her own world. She had a slight frown on her face.

"_I wonder if she's thinking about me," _he thought. He pretended to be doing his homework, all the while glancing often at her.

He checked his watch._"It's two minutes past five... Mom should be calling at any minute now to tell her that I'm dead," _he thought to himself. _"There's still time to cancel all of this! Call it off!" _a small part of him seemed to be crying. Ran's phone rang.

Shinichi looked up and watched as Ran fumbled with her phone. _"She might think that's me calling; she looks so hopeful," _he theorized. He held his breath, inched to the edge of his seat, and gripped his knees tightly in anticipation of the upcoming scene.

"Hello?" she spoke into the phone. "Hey, Sonoko!"

Shinichi exhaled in a shaky breath. _"It's only Sonoko," _ he thought. _"I thought that was going to be Mom."_

He half-listened as Ran rattled off to Sonoko about various things like school, an upcoming Karate tournament, and Sonoko's (lacking) love life. That little voice inside of him spoke up again._"Call your mother! Tell her that you've scrapped your plan! There's still time, do it while she's on the phone with Sonoko!" _He wanted so badly to follow that voice that he stood up suddenly, but sat back down when he saw Ran glance at him oddly. He grinned at her, and she smiled back and continued with her phone conversation.

He looked at Ran chatting happily over the phone with Sonoko. _"I'm so very sorry for what I'm about to do to you, Ran. I know I'm going to hurt you, but I truly think this is the only way." _His shrunken body felt heavier than normal, as if he had been drained of the strength to carry on.

"Sonoko, someone is beeping in. I'll call you back later, okay?" Ran said. Shinichi slid to the edge of the couch again. This time, it had to be his mother. He held his breath for a second time.

"Hello?" Ran said. "Oh, hi Mom!"

Shinichi about fell off the couch. He was so sure it was his mother that time._"It's thirty-five minutes past five, she was supposed to call at five o'clock! Don't tell me she's forgotten or has decided to back out now." _As if on cue, his own phone rang. He removed it from his pocket, flipped it open, and looked on the screen. It was his mother. He left Ran in the living room talking to her mother and went into the bathroom to answer his phone. "Hello?"

"Shin-chan, there's still time to cancel all this," his mother said, echoing the voice that objected inside of his mind since he came up with the plan. "Say the word, and I won't call her."

"No Mom, please, do it," he said. He heard his mother sigh over the phone.

"Your father is pressuring me not to go through with this, and he still refuses to play any part in this. He says that you just need to tell her the truth, and I agree with him... somewhat."

"I wish it were as simple as telling her the truth," he replied, "but you know it isn't. I know it isn't. He knows it isn't, even if he doesn't agree with my plans." Shinichi rubbed his left temple. He thought about the countless arguments over the phone and through e-mail with his father, who was vehemently against the idea from the start and had argued with him about it since he first told him of his plan. His father's last words to him before slamming down the phone the last time they spoke came back to haunt him.

"_You are always blabbing about there being one truth, yet you continue to tell anything but! Do you even know what the truth is anymore? Have you lied so much that you have convinced yourself that it is superior to the telling the truth?" _his father had shouted into the phone before hanging up on him.

Shinichi had never been yelled at by his father like that. He had been shocked when it happened, and it had almost been enough for him to call it off and cancel. Almost. But, he was not swayed in the end.

"Shinichi? Hello? Are you still there?" his mother asked. His mind snapped back to the present.

"Yes Mom, I'm still here. And I still want you to call. Please do it, now."

His mother sighed loudly again. She spoke to him in a weary voice. "Okay, Shin-chan. I got it. I'll call her."

"Goodbye mother... and thanks." He hung up the phone. He went back into the living room with Ran, who was tidying up where her father had left a mess earlier.

"Ooh, Dad! How many times must I tell him to clean up after himself!" she exclaimed in an annoyed voice.

"I'll help you, Ran-neechan!" he said in his uber-cute-and-innocent Conan voice. He picked up the closest ashtray that was overflowing with cigarette ashes and lotto stubs, and emptied it into the trash can that Ran held out.

"Thanks, Conan-kun! I appreciate it." She smiled at him.

He looked at her profile as she turned away and busied herself with cleaning up. He studied her from head to toe, her shiny not-quite-black hair, her beautiful skin, her delicate, yet fit, frame. Had she turned around at that moment, she would have seen a little boy with a look of sheer love and admiration on his face. He snapped out of it as her phone rang.

She answered. "Hello?"

He looked at her intently. This was the moment, this was the beginning of the end. This was the part where he broke her heart so that she could heal and move on. At least, by his reasoning.

"Oh! Shinichi's mother! How have you been?" She sounded excited to hear from his mother. He turned his back on her for a moment to regain his composure.

"You have something to tell me? Is there something wrong? You don't sound like yourself." She sounded concerned. He turned back towards her, and saw that she looked concerned as well.

He watched her. He watched as she listened to his mother's words. He watched as her look of concerned changed to a look of confusion. He watched as her look of confusion morphed into a look of shock. He watched as her look of shock turned into a look of horror.

He watched as her legs failed her and she fell to her knees to the ground.

"Shinichi's... dead?" she asked in a small voice. "No... he can't be. He CAN'T be!" she screamed as the tears that had welled in her eyes fell. Her phone fell from her hand to the floor.

He knew how she was going to react, but knowing something and seeing something were two different things. He watched her weep with abandon for a few moments. He walked over to her and placed his small hands on her shaking shoulders. She looked up from the floor and into his eyes.

"Conan-kun. Shinichi's dead. He's gone," she choked out. She grabbed him and held him close to her. He wrapped his arms around her the best he could and held her. "He's gone and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I didn't get a chance to tell him..." she trailed off.

He felt her go limp in his arms. He quickly pulled away to check on her. She hadn't passed out, but she wasn't responding either. He laid her out all the way on the floor, put her head on his lap, and stroked her hair. He stayed that way with her until nightfall; it wasn't until later he realized that the entire time he watched over her crying, silent form, he had been crying as well.

* * *

Poor Ran... I hated doing this to her, but the plot bunnies made me do it. Hope you all liked this chapter and the overall story so far. Not much new information to give other than there's no end in sight yet, and there's also no pairings in sight. After all, this isn't a romantic story.

Notes: I know I used "He watched" a lot in that particular paragraph, I was being redundant on purpose (for effect). Hopefully, that transfers to you the way I saw it

Italic in quotation marks are thoughts.

I don't have a beta yet; hopefully I'll have one by next chapter. The prologue, first and second chapter (this one) haven't been beta read, so apologies for errors.

One more thing: I have trouble with keeping the right tense, so if anyone knows a good resource that helps with that, I'd greatly appreciate it!

Next Chapter: A small memorial services is held for Kudo Shinichi with just a handful of people invited. Also, Hattori Heiji attempts to deliver an eulogy for his not-so-dead friend. Attempts is the key word here...


	4. Remembrance Circle

One Truth, Countless Lies

by Tetra26

Chapter 3: Remembrance Circle

* * *

The sunny weather betrayed the somber mood of the day. The memorial service for a very much alive Kudo Shinichi was about to progress.

Shinichi's mother, Kudo Yukiko, only invited a few people; only four people there were aware that Shinichi wasn't really dead. Those four included Shinichi's mother (his father, Kudo Yusaku, refused to take part – and his mother told those who asked about him that he was too stricken with grief to attend), Hattori Heiji, Agasa Hiroshi, and – of course – Edogawa Conan, who in actuality _was_ Kudo Shinichi. A few of the others there included Megure Juzo; Mouri Kogoro; Mouri Ran; Kisaki Eri; Suzuki Sonoko; Toyama Kazuha; and, surprisingly, Hakuba Saguru – who was leaning against the wall and coolly observing his surroundings. The others were a few friends of Shinichi's from school and some of the people he had helped while on his cases.

Shinichi stood around his few friends and reflected on how precisely he had plotted to set up his "untimely demise".

The plan was virtually foolproof. The "official" story was that Shinichi had been in an automobile accident so severe that his body couldn't be recovered. His mother had demanded that he fake his death in an open-ended way in case he turned back to normal and wanted to reclaim his name. Shinichi thought it was unnecessary to do so, but his mother insisted he do it that way or she wouldn't go along with it.

Heiji had the idea to make Shinichi's death similar to the first victim in the "Holmes Lovers" case that they had solved together. In that case, the murdered victim had been set up to drive his car off of a cliff, which resulted in an explosion that made it unable for his body to be recovered. They tweaked it until the story was that the car Shinichi was in crashed through a barrier and went off a cliff. In order to make things as realistic as possible, his mother hired a stunt-man friend to carry out the act as well as a few "eyewitnesses" to "confirm" that Shinichi was in the car that went over as well. It also helped that Shinichi chose a district where there were some really incompetent police officers as well; they basically took the whole "accident" at face value and did no further investigations into the matter.

It had been a lot of work; a lot of deception. But, as far as Shinichi was concerned, it was necessary. This chapter in his life had to end; he could no longer make Ran wait for him by leading her on nor did he want the world to find out about his shrunken state. There was virtually no chance of him turning back permanently, not even now that he had let on what happened to him to those he worked closely with to bring the Black Organization down. Through blood work, research, and speculation, no one came up with an antidote. There was no trace of anything to show he had been poisoned in the first place. If not for DNA evidence, one would come to the conclusion that his story about being shrunken was an elaborate lie and that he was not Kudo Shinichi.

_If only it were so,_ he thought to himself. He craned his neck around to catch a glimpse of Ran. She was sitting with Sonoko on one side of her and Kazuha on the other.

Shinichi thought about the past few days. Ran hadn't said many words since finding out he was "dead". She also hadn't smiled, nor laughed. It was as if she was an automaton; just going through the motions of her life without a thought about what she was doing. She hadn't even cried since that first night.

He still felt bad about the deception. He knew that he always would. Yet, he was determined that this was the best way. _This way, Ran can find someone else that can love her without any obstacles in the way, _ he thought. His attention was diverted from his thoughts when his mother spoke up.

"Since we are all gathered due to Shinichi's death, it is time that we discuss Shinichi's life," she said. "Everyone, please take a seat."

Shinichi's mother had decided on a non-traditional Japanese funeral. It wasn't surprising to anyone who knew her. She had, personally, felt that going through the traditional funeral would be overdoing it, plus she claimed to not feel right about it. Shinichi had felt the same way, so they had decided on a small "Remembrance Circle". This was so that those who knew him in life could share their stories about him to others, if they chose to do so.

"I'll start us off," said Shinichi's mother, who had remained standing while everyone else had sat down. She walked towards the front of the group, and faced the small crowd. She took a deep breath, and started.

"As you all know, Shinichi was my son and my only child," she started. "He was always an inquisitive little boy, far too mature for his own age. While other children were out playing, he could be found inside reading books that were far too advanced for him," she said as she gave a slight grin. Tears had started to well in her eyes.

Shinichi knew his mother was a good actress. She had told him that she would get into the role of "grieving mother" by pretending he had really died. Shinichi (and Heiji, who was there at the time) had both looked appalled and had protested, but she laughed lightly and claimed that "she still had it, and she'd show them a thing or two" before going off into a tirade about how she would act. Shinichi and Heiji both had to talk her out of a few excessive things (like fainting, or going into hysterics), but other than that her plans had been good.

He listened to her continue on for almost ten minutes. She talked about how he had come to love Soccer. She spoke of how he had discovered his love for solving cases. She injected a few humorous (and embarrassing) stories of times he had gotten in trouble for doing things he shouldn't. She paused to regain her composure at set intervals. She played her part well.

She wrapped up her speech. "My son had all too short a time here on Earth, but I truly believe that he had lived his life to the fullest up to that point. I miss him so much, there's no one that can replace him in my heart," she said. "If there's anyone else that wants to come up here and talk about him, feel free to do so," she remarked, as she went to sit down.

The people there looked around to each other. A lot of them were too shy to go up there after such a speech. After about thirty seconds, Dr. Agasa slowly stood up and walked to the front.

"I've known Shinichi since he was a small child," he started. "He was more serious than most children, but he was such a vibrant child."

Dr. Agasa spoke about Shinichi for about five minutes. He related a few stories about Shinichi helping him with failed experiments that had the small audience chuckling (and Shinichi fuming at the embarrassment of it all). He wrapped up his speech as well, and sat back down.

The next person that stood up was Heiji. He walked to the front of the audience.

"Though I didn't know Kudo Shinichi as long as most of you, meeting and working with him had a major impact on my life," he started. "Though a lot of you don't know it, we had crossed paths many times while working on the same case."

Heiji's speech had been plotted out between him and Shinichi. Another part of the meticulously calculated plan. However, planning one thing and enacting it successfully are two different things.

Heiji looked at Shinichi and started. "The Kudo I knew wa... was intelligent, and had a quick wi... wit," Heiji stuttered.

Shinichi looked up at him. He knew that Heiji had memorized the speech, so why was he stuttering? _Maybe he's just nervous and not good at public speaking, _he thought.

Heiji continued. "People were oft.. often comparing us, so ini...initially I saw him as a rival," he stated. "I even ca... came all the way from Osaka to cha... challenge him one time," he stuttered out.

Heiji made the mistake of looking over at Shinichi again. It was the worst thing he could have done. Shinichi mournfully had his head slightly bowed and was shaking his head from side to side as if he were completely sympathetic and wasn't the one being talked about.

"That first time we met, he hrmppt," Heiji had to clamp his hand over his mouth.

Shinichi looked at Heiji, who had his hand clamped over his mouth and had a horrified expression on his face. He rolled his eyes. _Don't tell me this idiot actually took to heart my Mother's suggestions on acting this out, _he thought to himself. He hoped that Heiji would quit his horrible acting long enough to look at him and see him shake his head no, but the other boy refused to meet his eye.

Heiji took a deep breath, and started to continue. "As I was saying, the first time we met, he showed me that solving cases wasn't about competition, it was... it was... was... hrupth!"

Shinichi looked up sharply at Heiji. He had clamped his hand over his mouth once again, and had turned away from the audience. His shoulders were slightly shaking, and there was a muffled and indistinguishable sound coming from him. A horrifying realization washed over Shinichi's mind.

_This IDIOT is trying not to laugh! _Shinichi thought, angrily. He quickly (and fearfully) looked around to see if anyone else had caught on. No one else had; to them it looked like Heiji was just all choked up. _This idiot is going to ruin everything! _Shinichi fumed.

Heiji regained his composure, and turned to face the audience. He had tears in his eyes, but not for the reasons they thought. He glanced over to Shinichi, who was sending him a death glare. Heiji resolved, in his mind, not to look at Shinichi for the rest of his speech.

"I'm sorry, just thinking about this loss has me all cho... choked up," Heiji said. The tears (from laughter) in his eyes overspilled, making it seem to everyone around him that he really was grieving. Everyone was touched that he, a boy, was crying in public over the loss of his friend. Even Shinichi's mother had been fooled into thinking that Heiji had taken note of her coaching and beamed slightly at him.

Shinichi knew better, however, and was not amused. As Heiji continued his speech, Shinichi thought about all the murders that he had witnessed and tried to decide which one would be most fitting for Heiji.

Heiji rattled on a few more minutes about Shinichi, and sat down. Kazuha had given him a look of sympathy, and was patting his shoulders. This made the matter worse, and before long he was shaking again and tears were rolling down his cheeks. He refused to look over at Shinichi, who was still plotting Heiji's "untimely demise" in anger.

After Heiji's "touching" speech, person after person got up to talk about Shinichi. Megure-keibu, Sonoko, a few of his schoolmates and Soccer team buddies, and even Ran's parents, Kogoro and Eri. When it looked like no one else was going to make a speech, Ran stood up.

_Ran, _he thought as he watched her slowly make her way to the front. He didn't believe that she would get up, and marveled at her courageousness. _I'm so sorry for putting you through this Ran, _he thought as he mentally berated himself.

Ran faced the crowd, and started to speak. "Um... as you all know, Shinichi and I were very good friends," she said, softly. "I still can't truly believe that he's gone."

Shinichi watched as her bottom lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears for the first time since that day she found out he was "dead". She started to speak again.

"We grew up together... we went to school together, we played together, we did a lot of things together," she said. "When I was sad, he would cheer me up. When I was mad, he'd make me laugh. When I was bored, he'd do something stupid to snap me out of it."

Shinichi smiled. He remembered all those times as if they happened yesterday. Ran had been everything to him. Even when he tried to act all grown up and like he didn't need a "girl" friend, she had managed to rein him back to her.

He continued to listen to her. She talked about how they grew up together. She shared some of the moments they had at school together. She talked about how he had saved her life a few times. The tears that she had in her eyes threatened to spill over, but never did. She concluded her speech, and went to sit back down. No one else got up after Ran.

It was with her commentary that the memorial service for Kudo Shinichi ended.

* * *

That night, Shinichi couldn't sleep. He went into the living room only to find Ran was there as well. She was sitting on the windowsill and staring out at the night sky. He walked over to her and sat opposite of her.

"Ran-neechan, are you alright?" he asked. She had a look on her face that was pensive and pained at the same time.

She looked over to the small boy. "I'll be okay, Conan-kun. I'm just thinking about something."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. He already suspected what her answer would be, but he thought that if she talked about it, she would feel better.

"I was just... regretting a few things," she said, softly.

"Regretting what?" he asked, curiously.

"I was regretting... that.. that I didn't tell Shinichi a very important thing," she said as her voice started to quiver.

He didn't want to push her too hard, but he knew that she needed to get it off her chest. "What important thing?" he asked.

Ran took her eyes off the night sky and looked over at him. The look on her face was heartbreaking for Shinichi. "I was regretting that I didn't have the courage to tell him that I loved him."

Shinichi watched as tears rolled down her cheeks the first time since she found out about his "death". There was no sound coming from her, no sobbing or anything. Just silent tears. He decided to speak up one more time.

"Ran, for what it's worth... I'm pretty sure that Shinichi-niichan loved you as well." There. He had said the words that he had longed to say to her for so long. Even if it wasn't from the "real" him, at least he had said it to her.

Ran smiled at him for the first time in almost a week. "Maybe you're right, Conan-kun. Maybe you're right."

She pulled him over into her arms, and held him against her until the sun came over the horizon.

* * *

The two months since Kudo Shinichi's funeral had flown by. Life moved on, however painful, for Mouri Ran. Shinichi, who was not actually dead, was now to be permanently known as Edogawa Conan.

Shinichi had been there watching Ran for the past two months. She was still not back to normal, but he could tell that she was doing better. She hadn't cried since she had confessed her love for Shinichi that night, but she also has not laughed. She has smiled a few times, but those smiles were usually tinged with sadness.

Yet, Shinichi knew now that she would be alright. Ran was strong, stronger than most girls he knew. Physically, and mentally, she could handle tough situations that were thrown at her.

It was for that reason why Shinichi decided to enact his secondary plan.

* * *

Author's notes: Whew... LONG chapter there! I totally didn't intend on making this chapter that long, but I also didn't want to split it up due to the purpose of the next chapter. Hope you all enjoyed it, and thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!

And, poor Heiji. I couldn't help messing with him, mwuhahahaha.

Note on Japanese: The only Japanese I use in fics is honorifics, given names, place names, and anything that doesn't have an English equivalent name. If I got something wrong, kindly let me know and I'll change it. I've been watching anime and reading manga for less than a year, so I'm still a little wet behind the ears.

Next Chapter: Edogawa Conan says his goodbyes.


	5. Goodbye Love

**One Truth, Countless Lies**

by Tetra 26

Chapter 4: Goodbye Love

A/N: Lots of time-shifting in this one.

* * *

**o0o0o0o**

"I can't believe it, Conan-kun! You're really moving away?" asked Yoshida Ayumi. She had a look of both shock and sadness on her face, and there were unshed tears in her eyes.

Shinichi was all too aware that Ayumi had a crush on him, so he decided to tread carefully and let her, and the others, down gently.

"Yes, Ayumi-chan. My mother will be here in a few days to take me to our new home in America."

"Ooh, where are you going to live at in America?" Kojima Genta actually sounded excited instead of upset that Shinichi was going to move away. Shinichi suspected it was because he felt that with "Conan" out of the way, he'd have a chance with Ayumi.

"New York," he lied. There was no need for them to know the exact truth. He planned on moving to America with his parents and staying out of the public eye. He had to due to his parent's fame. It would be mighty suspicious if "Edogawa Conan" was seen living with and always being around Kudo Shinichi's parents – that would cause unnecessary snooping into his background and possible exposure of his fake identity.

His father, while still against his idea, gave in somewhat and made sure that his identity as "Edogawa Conan" was officially set. He contacted a friend of his who provided Shinichi with birth certificates, a Social Security number, and other official documentation. As far as American records were concerned, there really was an "Edogawa Conan".

"Will you write letters to us and call us?" asked Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko, softly. He had been soft spoken and melancholy since Haibara Ai "moved away" without warning, and was sad that she had not contacted him. None of the Detective Boys knew that Haibara Ai was, in actuality, dead. Shinichi felt bad for the little boy; he knew Mitsuhiko had liked Haibara very much.

"Ye...Yeah, of course!" Shinichi replied in a cheerful voice. He intentionally had not planned to do so, but thought that maybe he'd drop them a few letters and phone calls here and there before phasing out communication with them altogether. He felt like a tool for abandoning them after everything they had been through, but it was necessary.

Shinichi thought about what had led him to his secondary plan. When he had revealed his first plan to Heiji, the other boy had raised an excellent point. Continuing to live around Ran as "Edogawa Conan" really did kill him inside. Just being around her, after all hope for turning back had been lost, hurt him deeply. To be so close to the one you love without being able to show them that you love them was taking its toll on the young detective's body. Shinichi had trouble sleeping, he often forgot to eat, and cases didn't pique his interests like before.

He looked over at his friends. Ayumi's tears had started to leak out of her eyes, and she had a look on her face that Shinichi found pitiful. Genta was patting her on the back while giving her a concerned look. Mitsuhiko was looking at him and giving him a sad smile.

"I look forward to hearing from you, Conan-kun," Mitsuhiko said. Shinichi though he detected something mocking in the young boy's remark to him.

Shinichi wasn't surprised one bit that Mitsuhiko might have figured out he wasn't being quite truthful. Still, he gave one of his brightest smiles and replied. "Okay!"

Settling things with them had been surprisingly simple. He had expected Ayumi to tearfully beg him not to leave, and he had expected many more questions, but after Mitsuhiko's remark and his response, not much was said about the matter. They all just resolved to spend as much time together in the short time that he had left with them.

It was the least he could do before abandoning them altogether.

**o0o0o0o**

"So, have you packed most of your things at the Mouri household?" asked Hattori Heiji. He and Shinichi were at Shinichi's house, hanging out and packing a few things that Shinichi wanted to send to the States.

"What things, other than clothing for this body?" Shinichi replied as he tried to decide whether or not to pack the book he was flipping through. "I don't have anything there that's mine."

He sighed at the double meaning behind that sentence. He truly had nothing there. Especially not Ran. She had been sad when he broke the news that "Conan" was moving back with his parents. She had hugged him hard, and told him that she thought of him as a little brother and that she would miss him very much. She didn't cry, however. Ran didn't cry much anymore, anyhow.

He hated to abandon her so soon after his "death", but he thought it would be for the best. Heiji had been right when he said it would kill Shinichi inside to continue living with Ran. Just looking at her made him feel guilty and miserable for what he had done. One part of him kept saying that he was doing it for _her_ feelings, yet another part was saying that he was running away because of his own. He knew it was both. He was distracted from his brooding by Heiji.

"Aw... look at Shin-chan when he was a baby! How cute..." Heiji said in a cooing, mocking voice.

"What..." Shinichi started as he looked in the other boy's direction. He saw that Heiji had his baby photo album out and was looking at it with a smirk on his face. "GIVE ME THAT!" Shinichi shouted. He tried to snatch the photo book out of Heiji's hands but the taller boy stood up and held it out of his way, laughing.

"Oooh, look at this picture of you naked and in the tub! I must have a copy for blackmailing purposes!" Heiji said, laughing as Shinichi jumped up and down, trying to get the book out of his hands and failing miserably.

Shinichi decided to play dirty and stomped down hard on Heiji's foot.

"Ow!" Heiji cried out, dropping the book.

Shinichi grabbed it off the ground and looked smugly at the other boy.

"You didn't have to stomp on my foot you little brat!"

"Who the hell are you calling a little brat, you idiot!"

"Who the hell are you calling an idiot, you moron!"

The two argued back and forward between each other for a few moments more before settling down again.

Heiji dropped into the chair nearest to him and rubbed his foot. "You didn't have to step down so hard, you know," he whined. "I wouldn't have really used the picture like that, I was just joking with you!"

"You're always playing pranks on me, how am I supposed to know you wouldn't have done so? That was for being so annoying, and it was also for laughing at my memorial service!" Shinichi fumed, remembering how Heiji had almost blown their cover by laughing.

"You're _still_ mad about that? Kudo, I've already apologized countless times! Besides, no one knew that I was laughing..."

"I don't care, you almost ruined everything!"

"But I didn't ruin everything, did I?"

"But you almost did, and that's what counts," Shinichi said, crossing his arms and pouting. Heiji laughed at how indignant he looked.

"You really are a little kid," he said before he could stop himself. He widened his eyes in horror over his friend's pained expression. "Ku... Kudo! I'm sorry..."

Shinichi sighed, the look already fading from his face. "Don't be, Heiji. I know you didn't mean any harm."

"Still... I'm sorry. I guess I do get carried away sometimes..."

Shinichi raised his eyebrow. "Sometimes?"

"Shut up, Kudo," Heiji said, with a smile.

The two boys silently went back to sorting through the things, lost in their own thoughts. After a few more minutes of working, Heiji spoke up again.

"Kudo, are we still going to keep in touch with each other after this?" the other boy asked, softly.

Shinichi snapped his head up from the box he was taping and looked at his friend. Heiji had stopped working and was looking down at the floor, a pensive look on his face.

Shinichi was startled at the look on the bigger boy's face. "Of course we will, Hattori. Did you think otherwise?"

"Well... yes. I mean, you plan on phasing out contact between you, Ran and those kids, I thought you'd be doing the same to me..."

"No. Not to you," Shinichi replied, firmly. Heiji was one of the few people that knew everything; he was one of the few people he could talk to honestly. Shinichi had no intentions of losing touch with Heiji.

"Are you sure, Kudo?" the other boy asked in a quiet voice.

Shinichi walked over to Heiji and stood in front of the other boy, who had dropped down into the chair again.

"Hattori, you are one of the few people that know the truth about me. You are one of the few people that I can trust to keep my secret," he said, relaying what he had thought seconds before. He looked Heiji directly in the eyes. "Hattori, you are my best friend."

Heiji's eyes widened in shock. Shinichi had never said anything like that to him. Even though they bantered between each other, had been through a lot with each other, and shared secrets with each other, Shinichi had never directed anything deeper towards him other than begrudging respect. To be called Shinichi's best friend meant a lot to Heiji, and he couldn't stop himself from pulling the other boy into a bear hug.

"HA... HATTORI! LET ME GO!" the other boy hollered out furiously as Heiji's arms went around him. Heiji laughed and stood up, the kicking-and-screaming boy still in his arms.

"You are my best friend too, Kudo!" he said. He squeezed one more time before putting the annoyed boy back on the ground, and smiled down at him.

Shinichi blushed due to Heiji's openly-displayed affection. "Come, let's quit playing around and finish up here," he said to his best friend.

**o0o0o0o**

"Shinichi, I'll make you a few extras of your gadgets and send them to the States," Dr. Agasa told his young friend.

"It's probably not necessary to do so, Dr. Agasa," Shinichi said with a sigh. "The American police aren't quite as accepting of help from younger people as the Japanese police, so I sincerely doubt I'll even be able to use them. Besides, I need to keep a low profile, and solving cases at such a young age is not the way to do so in America."

"Shinichi, it's unlike you to stop solving cases," the doctor said as he sat down on the opposite couch that the young boy was sitting on.

"I know, Dr. Agasa, I know... but lately I haven't had the motivation to solve cases or do anything else. That last bout with the Black Org. took a lot out of me," he said, his face scowling up at the memories.

So many people had been injured or killed in the final showdown. So many traitors had been revealed. So many lives altered forever. He shook himself out of reflecting on it before he got depressed about it all over again.

The older man spoke up. "Shinichi, no matter what happens, never forget your dreams. Don't let the past determine your future. The Black Org. took a lot from you, but they have been crushed. Don't let them continue to trump you from the grave. Don't give up hope. Don't forget yourself."

Shinichi was touched by the doctor's words. Very rarely did Dr. Agasa say something so serious, so very clairvoyant. Shinichi appreciated the man even more than he already did due to his words. Dr. Agasa had been there for him for so long. Often, when his parents were away, they'd leave him with the doctor for however long they were gone.

The doctor had become like another father to Shinichi. Dr. Agasa had never treated him like a normal child as most adults did, he had always recognized Shinichi's inner brilliance and urged him to strive harder.

"I'll try not to forget myself, Dr. Agasa," he said. He would try, he didn't know if he'd succeed, but he wouldn't give up everything. Even if he had to put his dreams of being a detective on hold for another decade, he'd never give up hope. Not when there were people left to cheer him on and motivate him.

The doctor smiled at Shinichi. "I'm glad to hear that, kid."

They both got up off of the couches. Dr. Agasa followed Shinichi to the front door to see him out.

"I wish I could see you off when you leave, but I'll still be in Yokohama for my conference," the older man stated.

"That's okay, I know you're busy," Shinichi replied.

"In case I don't see you before you leave, I guess this is goodbye for us for awhile."

"Yes, I guess so."

"You know how to contact me, so make sure you do so."

"I will," Shinichi said, truthfully.

**o0o0o0o**

"Conan-kun, your mother is here," Ran called out to the boy. She smiled slightly at his mother. "It's hard to believe he's really leaving, I've become so attached to him."

"He's attached to you too, dear," said the stout woman, known to Ran as Edogawa Fumiyo. She was really Kudo Yukiko, the mother of Shinichi. However, in order to pick Shinichi up, she dressed as Conan's "mother" like she had done before.

"Last time, he really didn't want to leave, but I miss him so much and since we're moving, it's time for him to come home," she said to Ran.

"I know... even though I'm going to miss him, I know that he can't stay here forever," Ran said, sadness tinging her words.

Shinichi, who had been listening in on the exchange, chose to let his presence be known.

"I'm all ready," he said.

Ran turned and smiled at him. She walked over to him and bent down until she was at his eye level.

"Conan-kun, I'm going to miss you very much. Don't forget to write and call me sometimes, okay?"

Shinichi planned on doing the same with Ran as he had planned on doing to the Detective Boys. He would call and write her a few times, then slowly phase out any contact at all. It was simply easier this way, at least for him.

"Of course I will," he said. She hugged him, and patted him on the back.

"I'll see you both out," Ran said.

**o0o0o0o**

After taking the suit cases down the stairs and putting them in the trunk of the taxicab, Shinichi said his final goodbyes to Ran, who was standing outside to watch them go off. He was about to get into the back of the cab with his mother until he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Conan-kun! Conan-kun! Wait!" Ayumi shouted out to him.

Shinichi turned around, and saw her as well as Genta and Mitsuhiko running in his direction. He hadn't expected them to come; each of them had expressed that it would be hard to see him go. However, there they were.

"We caught you just in time!" Ayumi said.

"I didn't think you guys would be coming," he said. "What made you change your minds?"

"We brought something for you," Genta said. He shoved a crudely-wrapped present in his hands.

Shinichi was curious as to what it was, and was about to open it until Ayumi spoke up.

"Don't open it now! Wait until you get to your new home, okay?" she pleaded.

"Fine, fine," he said to appease her. He knew he'd open it once he got in the car.

"And don't open it in the car, either," Mitsuhiko said, slyly.

"Oh... okay," Shinichi said. He was both annoyed and amused at how well Mitsuhiko read his thoughts.

Of all of the Detective Boys, Shinichi thought Mitsuhiko had the most potential to be a true detective when he got older. Shinichi was proud that the younger boy had taken note of how he worked and applied those skills himself. He was distracted from his thoughts by the taxi's horn.

"Conan-kun, you had better go on," Ran spoke up. She gave him a sad smile, which made his chest tighten.

"Yes, I should," he said softly.

"Conan-kun, I love you!" Ayumi blurted out as she rushed towards him and wrapped him in a hug, which caused him to drop the gift. "I'll never forget you, ever!" she said in a teary voice.

Ran and Mitsuhiko looked amused at what they saw, but Genta frowned. He probably would have throttled Conan right then and there if Ran hadn't spoken up.

"Who knows, maybe you two will meet up again in the future and end up married," she said.

Shinichi was pretty sure his face was bright red, not just from Ayumi hugging him and declaring her love, but because of Ran's remark as well.

"Maybe we will!" Ayumi exclaimed, happily. She let Conan go, and picked up the gift. "Here, Conan. Don't forget to write and call!"

He felt like an absolute heel, but nodded his head as he took the gift. "I won't."

He walked over to the taxicab and opened the door. He turned back towards them one final time.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye!" the Detective Boys chimed together as they waved.

"Bye, Conan-kun! I wish you well," Ran said.

He got in the cab and shut the door. He looked out at the four of them. Ran was still smiling at him. Genta and Mitsuhiko were waving at him. Ayumi was looking at him, heartbreak displayed on her youthful face.

He waved one last time as the cab pulled off, and willed himself not to look back at those he was leaving behind.

**o0o0o0o**

"Well, Shin-chan, this is it," his mother said. "When we get on that plane, and era ends and a new one begins."

"Please, mother. Don't use such clichéd words," he groaned out.

"Fine," she said. "I can see you are in a bad mood. I'll just leave you alone until it's time to go," she said. She got up, and went downstairs towards the airport café.

He sighed. He didn't mean to run her off, and hoped that she didn't feel like he did. He appreciated how she had went above and beyond to make his harebrained scheme work. If they ever get caught, he knew his mother would be in some serious trouble. Yet, she had done it anyhow, just because it was for him. He reminded himself to express his appreciation for his mother out loud to her.

He looked down at the object that had put him in a bad mood, and sighed again. Shinichi thought about how touched he was when he had opened the present in the car and found the scrapbook. The Detective Boys had taken the time to print up and cut out articles of some of the cases they had solved together. They had also included various pictures they had taken together, and even had written up a short "Bio" for each of them, including the missing Haibara Ai. The gesture was sweet, but it also served to remind him of how it wasn't just Ran he was abandoning.

Those kids, which he had found beyond annoying when he first met them, had become more important to him than he realized. Even though he didn't like clichéd sayings, he realized that he truly didn't know what he had until it was gone.

He thought about the first case they had went on together, how they had been so close to being killed. He recalled all the times when he had "forgotten himself" and enjoyed playing with them with childlike abandon. He remembered the first time he thought that he would like to keep them in his life somehow when he turned back. He lost himself in more memories of the Detective Boys, cases, and various hijinks they had partaken in.

"Shin-chan, it's time," his mother said to him, softly.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts, and nodded at her. He couldn't bring himself to say anything at that moment.

She took his small hand as he got up, and led him away to board the plane. Each footstep he took towards his new life seemed to feel heavier, and his small shoulders seemed to be weighed down with an invisible mass. Even though all the plans had fallen into place almost perfectly, carrying them out had been harder than he initially thought.

He stepped on the stairs leading into the plane. Halfway up, he paused and glanced backwards. A part of him wanted to run back down the stairs, catch a cab back to Ran's, and tell her the entire truth. His mother placed her hand on his shoulder and nudged him forward. He turned back around with a sigh, and continued up the stairs.

Once he had settled down in his seat on the plane, he looked out the window. He didn't know how long it would be before he set eyes on Japan again, if ever. His emotions were still jumbled up about the entire thing. He felt like a coward for leaving, but he knew that he couldn't survive staying. Shinichi realized that even he couldn't be strong all the time, and the heartbreak and sleeplessness was tearing him apart.

As the plane took off, he looked out and down across the country that he was abandoning for another. In his mind, he said more goodbyes to his home, his friends, his dreams, and to his love.

**o0o0o0o**

* * *

Author's notes: Well, that's it for this chapter. Due to spring break and my need to get a few KKM oneshots off my chest, it's later than I would have liked it to be. It was also harder to write this chapter than I thought even though I laid the plans for it a while ago. I ended up changing things and cutting out some stuff as well. The biggest example of this is that I initially had Heiji surprise Shinichi at the airport to see him off, but I scrapped it after it was fully written out cause I thought the scene with them in the beginning of this chapter was enough. To be honest, I don't like how I ended this, but it was the best I could come up with after thinking so hard about it. As Boyz II Men sang, "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye".

Speaking of songs, the title of this chapter comes from the Guy song "Goodbye Love". If you like smooth R&B from the late 80's, you might want to check it out. Aaron Hall is on vocals. The song lyrics kind of fit this chapter, but this isn't a songfic since I had named it this after I had written the bulk of the chapter.

**Important note:** While I do write slash, **this fic will stay het**.

**Next Chapter**: Nine years have past – what has become of Shinichi?


End file.
